The title says it all. Reality—at least midlife reality—bites. I never saw the movie of the same name, and for the longest time I assumed it was a vampire movie. Now I know better, but I still like the phrase as a vampire metaphor, because right now it kind of feels like reality is sinking its pointy little fangs into my carotid artery and slowly sucking the life out of me.
As you may recall, my family has invoked a gag rule of sorts when it comes to me writing about them in this blog. This creates truly a lose-lose-lose situation. First of all, it’s your loss, faithful readers, because if I were permitted to describe to you in detail everything that has really been happening in my family over the past month or so, you would be literally LOL’ing and ROFL’ing, plus you’d be sitting on the edge of your seat anxiously awaiting what happens next; in short, you’d be majorly entertained. And, perhaps most of all, you’d be left feeling pretty good about whatever is happening in your own life in comparison. So, I’m sorry I cannot provide you with that particular kind of joy right now.
So, I have this dog. He’s a Havanese. He weighs all of 9 pounds, he’s adorable, he’s extremely friendly, and most of the time he’s pretty chill. He basically only barks for two reasons:
1.) When someone walks past the house, and
2.) When someone rings the doorbell.
Unfortunately, tonight is Halloween, which means for two hours straight we will have two things happening:
1.) People walking past the house, and
2.) People ringing the doorbell.
Good times. Continue reading “Halloween Humbug”
A little over a year ago, Janet Jackson announced to the world that she was expecting. At 50. And my husband sent me the following horrifying text:
Soap opera fans will be familiar with this plot device:
Parents send Johnny off to summer camp at age 6. Six weeks later, Johnny returns with facial hair, a deep voice, and a boatload of grown-up problems. Meanwhile, the soap opera parents, even the ones who have spent the summer being cloned, kidnapped, and stranded on a desert island, haven’t aged at all. Continue reading “Like Sands Through the Hourglass…”