‘Twas the Night Before Vacation

“’Twas the night before vacation, and all through the house….”

NO! Just NO! Don’t worry. I’m not going to do it. Enough of those lame parodies have been written already. Just Google “Twas the night before vacation,” and you’ll be as appallingly surprised as I was.

And if I *were* going to write such a parody, I would certainly not want to stoop to using the oft overused line — even though it might be true — that no one else is stirring, not even my SPOUSE…. That’s just much too easy. Lame.

Even though it’s a fact that the laundry has been running and the beach towels are stacked, and it’s pretty much a given that no one’s suitcase is packed,
I am not going to insult Clement Clark Moore’s memory by grumbling in rhymed verse.

And while only one person has checked MapQuest and WeatherBug with care,
And canceled the mail and the paper — it’s not fair
of me to complain about it. Someone’s got to take control, right?

So what if I found someone to water the plants,
And tossed almost-expired food so we don’t get ants,
There’s no need to use anapestic tetrameter to point out that I’m the only one who thinks of these things.

And sure, I’ve made plans for the dog, packed dog food and the crate,
Made cookies, bought toilet paper, snacks, and Coffee Mate,
Put the bike rack on the car and filled the tank with gas,
While everyone else has just been sitting on their A$$….
It’s not worth polluting the internet with another feeble satirical rewrite of a beloved classic. So I’m not going to do it.

But you might hear me exclaim, as I check everything twice,
While no one else worries about a thing:
“Must be nice!”


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