Almost Kardashian

This is the story of a girl and her dog and that time they almost sold out to the man for 15 minutes of Instagram fame.

So, I have this dog. He’s a Havanese. He weighs about 9 pounds. And he’s really freaking cute, if I do say so myself… I’ve written about him here before.

I also have an Instagram account, where I like to post pictures of my cute dog doing cute things. (Follow me at @pennst8karen.) I also, due to a previous job that entailed lots of social media marketing, have a pretty good handle on how to use hashtags and I like to throw them on the end of my Instagram posts. #Ilovemydog #havaneseofinstagram #dogsofinstagram #dogsrule #havaneserule #dogsoftheworld #havaneseoftheworld and so on…. I’m not trying to sell anything, but I do this because I know that other Havanese owners will find my pics that way and might enjoy them, or become insanely jealous because my Havanese is so much cuter than theirs, and either scenario brings me joy.

Through my constant clever use of hashtags, I’ve had my pictures ‘liked’ by extremely famous celebrities such a Patricia Heaton (Everybody Loves Raymond, The Middle). Which, I’m not gonna lie, was kind of a big thrill. Apparently, because my hashtags are so great and my dog is so cute, companies are clamoring to use him as a model. I know this because today I was approached by a company, who shall remain nameless, asking me to be a Brand Ambassador and to post pictures of my pup posing with their line of dog products.

Although I am always a cynic, I did allow myself to dream for a moment… I mean, “Brand Ambassador?” Isn’t that exactly how the Kardashians found their fame? Maybe I could move up from low-paying freelance writing assignments and become my dog’s personal agent… Surely there’s money to be had in brand ambassadorship for a national dog product company, right?

So I decided to proceed cautiously, responding to them exactly like this: “I would be interested in learning more about what is involved.” Notice how I judiciously avoided the use of exclamation points, showing that I am serious and not at all excited for my dog to become a canine Kardashian until this company could “Show me the money!” I figured this is how Jerry Maguire would play it.

Then I sat back and waited for their response, while dreaming of all the places I could take pics of my pooch modeling fancy collars and leashes and dog sweaters, and all the creative ways I could use my Instagram account to make my dog the most likely candidate for an eventual reality TV show.

I didn’t have to wait long. The response came complete with lots of exclamation points and emojis, thus proving that I was the more serious one in this negotiation. They were so excited to welcome me and my pup to their Brand Ambassador program!! They were going to offer me a 30% off discount on all of their products!! So that I could buy them and then post pictures of my dog and tag them! And I would also get a code to share with my followers that would give them all 15% off any purchase!

I responded with a hearty: “LOL!!! Never mind!!!!” Complete with all of those exclamation points. If you were wondering why I said earlier that the company shall remain nameless, now you know. I’m not giving them any free marketing. My dog’s time is worth more than a 30% off coupon. Jerry Maguire don’t play that.