Genius Envy (Everything Bad is Good Again)

Yo! Remember me? It’s okay if you don’t. Once again, I’ve broken one of the top 10 cardinal sins of blogging— the one that says, “Blog consistently.”

This is not a joke. There are actual people who make actual money by blogging about blogging rules to other bloggers. They form actual Facebook groups where actual bloggers pose actual questions about how to make a full-time income by blogging, or how to best use Pinterest to drive traffic to their blog, or what is the best editorial calendar to make sure they blog consistently… They take their blogging very seriously.

Obviously, I don’t belong in the same category as these people.

I need to be inspired to sit down and write a blog post. I can’t just make crap up for the sake of being consistent in order to increase my “numbers.” And, heck, I have to write stuff practically every damn day for my “real” “job.” Frankly, I get tired of thinking. And looking at my laptop. And thinking. I’m only human. And when it rains for 125 straight days during the month of July alone, inspiration is hard to come by.

To top it off, during my self-imposed 6 week sabbatical from blogging, my husband and I took a short trip to New York City that completely stripped me of any inspiration, simply because of all of the genius we encountered. Allow me to explain.

First of all, we arrived in the city via the Lincoln Tunnel, and we learned about the history of the Holland Tunnel during a Circle Line boat tour… Tunnels baffle me. The sheer engineering genius that is required to figure out how to blast through the bottom of a river and build a ventilated tube strong enough to carry thousands upon thousands of cars safely to the other side every day for nearly 100 years — that is something I just can’t fathom.

Then, we went to see Hamilton on Broadway. I was blown away, and left the Richard Rodgers Theatre contemplating the genius of Lin-Manuel Miranda; the genius of Alexander Hamilton and all of the founding fathers; even the genius of the performers in the show… And it reinforced the sad fact that I’ve always known in my heart: I’m no genius.

So rather than feeling motivated and inspired by all of these geniuses, I found myself feeling inferior and inadequate and therefore totally uninspired about sharing my mediocrity with the world.

So that’s my excuse. (Not sure what drew me back in today, but here I am, in all my glorious mediocrity!) Of course, there is also a blogging rule that says one should never offer an explanation or apology for not consistently blogging. Again, this is not a joke. The reasoning is that such an explanation or apology only serves to make the reader take notice that you are not dedicated enough to blogging for them, and they will “turn elsewhere.”

Hahaha! That’s funny! Where else would you people turn??

So, clearly, I make up my own rules when it comes to this blog. And you know what? I’ve realized recently that I probably should have been making up my own rules all along about most things in life, and you probably should have been, too. You know why?

Because when I was a youngster, we were told by the powers that be that eating eggs was really, really bad. Too much cholesterol, they said. You’ll get heart disease, they said. Eat the whites only, or try these fake eggs instead, they said.

Fast forward to 2018, and lo and behold, we’re back to the days of “the incredible, edible egg…” Eggs are a good low-calorie source of protein, they say! Heck, they’re really a “superfood,” they say! The yellow part of the egg is the part with the most nutrients, they say! Consuming natural dietary cholesterol does not actually raise your blood cholesterol levels, they say! (Of course, you really should only be eating the organic/free range chicken eggs, but that’s a whole ‘nother confusing set of rules to follow…)

The older I get, the more confusing the ever-changing rules become. I am actually old enough to remember when plastic bags were first introduced at grocery stores as an alternative to paper bags. You youngsters won’t believe this, but I swear I am not making this up: You were actually considered to be environmentally responsible if you chose plastic bags— because every paper bag you used represented death to a tree.

Now, of course, we understand the truth: You can always plant a new tree, but plastic is from the devil. I’m cool with that. I have trained myself to use reusable bags at the grocery store (except when I forget to grab them out of my car, which is every damn time I walk into the store, and especially when it is raining too hard to walk back to the car to get them, which is every damn day this summer.)

The confusion never ends… This seafood lover is suddenly conflicted because, although we’ve heard for years that fish is supposed to be so good for us, good for our brains, and a great alternative to red meat, this week it was brought to my attention that the horribly sad viral video of a mama Orca carrying her dead calf across the sea in mourning is essentially ALL MY FAULT, because my selfish love of seafood has depleted the whales of their main food supply…

And of course, one day, they say a glass of wine each night is good for you because of all of the antioxidants; the next day a study finds that even the smallest amount of wine can raise the risk of cancer. One day, too much coffee is bad for you, the next day, eight cups of coffee a day can help you live longer.

I’m done worrying about the constantly shifting rules. I’m doing my best. I’m trying to do right by my health and the earth. But there’s only so much one person can do. I’m not a genius, after all!